I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I need to align my fucking chakras
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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