I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
