did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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