YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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