i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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