somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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