We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
