there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
