3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
