New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
