i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
