I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
