I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
