Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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