You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
