fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
