I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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