Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize