my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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