I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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