just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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