A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
