She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
