yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize