He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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