she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize