when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
