I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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