So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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