No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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