Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
This baby is an asshole
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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