So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
