6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
