Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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