My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize