I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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