New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Randomize
