I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
