Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
