Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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