I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
