I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
