there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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