Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
