careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Randomize
