We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
