Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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