I forgot how hot balto sounded
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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