My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
