All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We need a shit load of segways right now
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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