Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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