I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
