I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
