I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
