so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
