May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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