you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He did a backflip because drugs
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