She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
