Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize