I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
