did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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