i need an iv and a liver transplant
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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