It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
